Mommy wars is a term that has become an increasingly popular concept. I am not sure if I am more aware of it, due to the fact that I now have kiddos, or if the issue has increased. Either way, it is a hot topic among a variety of mom's group these days. Here is my personal opinion on the concept of 'mommy wars'. I do not believe in it. I think that humans, in general, are innately competitive as well as excessively aware of differences. We constantly compare and make judgement. It is a part of who we are to have an opinion, and to process information based off of our own personal experience. I may have strong feelings regarding a variety of situations, due to circumstances I have experienced throughout my life. That is OKAY. That makes me human, and that means I have an emotional memory that is tied to my life choices. I think 'mommy wars' is a human flaw everyone has, that is a combination of opinion, jealousy, judgement, awareness, personal experience, etc. It is something that is not specific to motherhood, but rather being alive. Passing judgement on another mom does not make it a 'mommy war', but rather me being a critical jerk.
With all that being said, I have experienced others misinterpreting my life choices as some form of a play in the 'mommy war'. I recently read a comment where someone expressed that they secretly hated the mom who was dressed in her skinny jeans, boots and hair styled at school pickup each day. As I read it, I looked down at my skinny jeans and boots. I ran my fingers through my straightened hair, and it bothered me. I didn't like the implication that anyone would feel negatively about the fact that I was ready for my day. What I wanted to explain to her was that I work full time, and must be presentable for my job. I also wanted to express that a lot of my personal self confidence comes from me feeling put together. Someone else implied, in the same conversation, that she must have gotten up hours early to get ready, and that she in some way neglected her children to do this. It made me sad, and I wanted to explain that I have mastered the 30 minute, bed to out the door, dance. I stopped myself, and soaked up the fact that I had identified my first real experience with the 'mommy war' I had heard so much about. I wasn't mad, or defensive, but rather confused. How did this make someone hate 'that' mom? Why did it bother them so much. I just didn't understand it.
I have also been called the 'pinterest mom', which was used in a derogatory way. Once again, confusion. I was creating long before pinterest, and although I love to use it as inspiration, it is not in the hopes of one-upping anybody. I need a creative outlet, and I love challenging myself to make something that I am pleased with. It has nothing to do with anyone else, and everything to do with personal growth.
My house is messy, I hate folding laundry, I rarely deep clean, but you better believe I won't leave the house without makeup. I am a total diva, who can be inconsiderate when I am consumed with some selfish project, but I am pretty creative. I am full of flaws and imperfections, regardless of my insatiable desire to play hostess.
Mommy wars are nothing more then people in general acknowledging differences, having an opinion, and often voicing them when they should not. It is a combination of insecurity and a lack of information that manifests itself as a wedge among women, or rather among people.
Nobody is above an instinctual judgement, or a unwarranted opinion. It happens, because we are human. We just have to bite our tongue and process the thought internally. Life is tough, so onward and upward with your own battles! Embrace ridiculous differences that you will never understand or agree with, because it is OKAY!
Mommy Wars are nothing and everything we allow them to be. Relinquish the power of the invisible battle, and suck up the judgement!!
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