For Yourself Friday- Inner Critic

My mother was a stay at home mom, and a kick ass one at that.  She did it ALL and did it with more energy and spunk then any other mother I knew.  I loved and love my mom, and admire her in many ways.  She is a friend and confidante, and I am forever grateful I was blessed with such a quirky, unique, and flavored mother.

Now I will shift a bit to the fact that my mom is plagued with something many of us struggle with, extreme low self esteem.  She is her own worst critic, and boy is she harsh.  Due to this, she has spent her entire life on yo yo diets, often telling complete strangers how badly she needs to lose weight.  I remember being mortified as the barista would ask her if she would like to add a muffin to her coffee order (simply as her job instructs her to ask), and my mother would start some humiliating dialogue regarding the fact that the last thing she needs is a muffin, and she needs so badly to lose weight, blah blah blah.  As a young girl these type of situations were embarrassing, as well as confusing.  Why did she hate her body so much? It looked just fine to me.  Why did she feel the need to talk about herself in such a negative way, and should I feel the same way about myself?  

Throughout the years she avoided pictures, and what few pictures were captured are tainted by her critique of how awful she looks.  Many of the pictures did look awful, but not because of her 'overweight' body or 'ugly' smile (both things I do not agree with or believe in the slightest).  The photos came out bad because you could read her discomfort and self confidence in her body language.  You could see it in her posture, her smile, and within her insecure eyes.  

We recently got into a minor argument regarding this very thing.  She was talking about her latest attempts to lose weight and diet, once again.  This came on the coattails of news of a severe asthma attack my dad had just experienced.  I was overwhelmed, scared and still processing that situation.  I was in no position to discuss her diet, and I let her have it.  I told her that her children, and now her grandchildren, would not remember her being 'overweight' or 'ugly' but they would remember that she is in no pictures.  I told her that I would remember how often she droned on and on about her awful body, and that those conversations would be my memories, not what she physically looked like.  I told her we would all remember how much she hated her body, but we wouldn't really remember what her body actually looked like, because that is not what matters to us.  This upset her, understandably, and I felt awful.  It was not how I wanted the conversation to go, but I wanted her to understand that we all love her for her tight hugs and silly dance moves.  We love her for things that go so much deeper then what she sees in the mirror.  The argument was brief and has since passed.  It is a topic that she will continue to bring up, and I will continue to listen and try to validate her feelings, but continue to remind her how much I love her for so much more.   

I am far from innocent of being my own worst critic.  I want to look good and feel good, and I often put too much weight into how I look physically.  I am well aware of this, and work on it daily.  I know that the people who care for me most will remember the way I made them feel, not the way I looked.  

On this 'For Yourself Friday' I want you to ask those closest to you what they love about your body.  I want you to ask this very question to your husband and your kiddos, and I want you to LISTEN to what they have to say.  Really hear their words, and understand exactly what they mean.  

Then, I want you to BELIEVE what they are saying.  That does not mean you have to love the same thing, but you  need to TRUST that they do really love that about you.  Do not criticize whatever they tell you, or dispute it.  If your husband tells you he loves your derriere, do not contest that in your mind or roll your eyes, thinking about how much you hate it.  Do not think about how much it may have changed, or how perky it was before kiddos.  Believe that this man that you love, is telling you what he loves about your body.  Your toddler may tell you they love your smooshy belly.  Do you love your post baby belly?  Probably not, but you must BELIEVE that they love that.  

Lastly, I want you to LOVE that they LOVE that about your body.  You may despise your 'smooshy' post baby belly, but it is amazing that your child loves it.  It is what your loved ones see, and feel and embrace.  It is what will remain, ingrained in their minds when you are no longer here.  Believe these things coming from the ones you love, and love that they love it about you.  Allow them to love these things without contest.  

We are our own worst critic, but it is important that we give ourselves a break every once in awhile.  

We are surrounded by those that love and adore us.  Allow them to drowned out the overwhelming noise of our inner critic.
-Lindsay

Guest Blogger: 'Fill Your Cup' with Amber P

Have you ever met someone and instantly known you would be friends forever? And before you even get to those deep places that long term friendships require, you know that you could call them ugly crying at 4 am and that they would not only listen, but would drive to a 24 hour Walgreens, pick up an emergency carton of Ben and Jerry’s and knock on your door while cradling the cell phone, ice cream and whatever left over alcohol she had just laying around? The type of someone that even though they move to a completely different time zone and work schedules require more text conversations than actual phone interactions, you hop on a 3:30 am flight shaking with excitement and when you land she is wearing the exact same outfit you are and you just look at each other with tear lined eyes and laugh? That. That, my friend, is the true sign of someone who fills your cup. Someone who fills a void in you that keeps you going.

My best friend and I met in 2007. We picked each other up in a bar on a “best friend blind date” as we like to call it. She was moving to Memphis for her Music Therapy internship and was close friends with one of my husband and my best friends. We only lived in the same location for a year, but those short twelve months solidified us in each other’s lives forever. She would drive 7 hours the day I went into labor with my oldest daughter to be one of the first to hold her. I would arrive on her doorstep in Atlanta with my husband and 8 month old just because I missed her face and needed to hug her. I would be where she would run at the end of a long term relationship because I was home to her and she was safe to heal under my roof for as long as that healing required.

This weekend was much needed on both of our ends. Her thirtieth birthday is this week and she is working through the necessary emotions that the change of decades requires. I am knee deep in working mommy hood and on the verge of opening a new business. Things are crazy, chaotic, stressful and leaving us both feeling defeated and deflated. We decided months ago that I would take this trip solo. To find my me-ness I had to be alone, to rediscover the me I am without the responsibilities of being a Mommy, wife, and employee. The second I got off the plane and saw her face I began to feel myself bubbling back to the surface. There are people in your life who just do that. People who your soul immediately recognizes and thanks you for being near. People who know you so much better than you know yourself and can remind you with only a hug of the perfect tightness. 

We spent the first day walking the beach discovering little secret sections free from the throngs of usual tourists and beachcombers. We walked along a beach path catching up on surface level stuff and laughing about this memory or that new development. We found a sunny patch, laid our blanket down, pulled out our airplane bottles and went to work. Alcohol, music, and an incredible best friend is really all a girl needs in life, of this I am sure.

I am not great about venting, about letting everything out and allowing people to peak behind my sunny disposition. I just never have been that girl. I hate troubling anyone else with my “petty” problems. I’m a fixer first and foremost. I enjoy my role in life and hate the idea of forgoing that roll and being the fixee instead. My problem here in this relationship is that this little piece of my personality doesn’t faze my best friend one bit. Bitch seriously took a vow of silence until I cried. Literally. She would not speak a word until I was crying. And we aren’t talking single tear Lauren Conrad style, but like ugly puffy face hyperventilating crying. Who does that?!?!?!! My best friend does that. Because she knows me. She knows that I would rather listen to your problems and help find solutions or just let you vent than trouble you with my own. And she knows that if she gives me even a little room I’ll swing off the topic of me so fast we won’t even realize the subject changed until we’re too deep. So she sat there. Quiet. Listening to me. Sometimes I would stop and we’d listen to the music and the waves and the silence. But then I would start again, going deeper and deeper to the roots of my stress. She listened. She sat quietly only with a head nod here and half smile there.  And finally, the tears came and the truth laid out in front of us. The fear, the stress, it all tumbled out. And there I was. Just that easy, she’d found me again. The freedom that came from that release and the conversations that followed was palpable. By the time we got back to the car I felt lighter, laughed harder and felt more full of life and love than I had in weeks.  The weekend that followed was a whirlwind of laughter and love and joy and peace. My cup was full.

These tough love moments are not unique to my friendship. You have them too. You were probably reading this thinking about her (or him or them). And maybe you haven’t been in the same location lately. And maybe you are feeling like you aren’t the same woman you were before kids or school or other friends beat you down. Maybe you are feeling like you have nothing left to give, that your cup is empty. Go to your person. Go to the person who reminds you of who you are, who you were, and who you are yet to be. Physically. Take a week, or a weekend, or a day, or an hour and just go. Maybe you are lucky and that person is just up the street, or, maybe you have to board a flight and endure the stinky person next to you in coach who decided that yes, that breakfast burrito will be fabulous at 3:30 in the morning, (you’re welcome US Airways flight 2724!) but go. Yes, it is hard to break away. Yes, it is hard to scrape together the money. Yes, it is hard. But you know what? It’s worth it. YOU are worth it.  That girl who smiled so freely before circumstances changed is still there inside of you, and she is worth it too. Go. Fill your cup.

-SS Amber P

Motivational Monday- Fake It

Everyone has those days where they just aren't feeling it.  It could be your overflowing laundry pile, your awful coworker, or your ornery toddler.  Whatever the reason may be, everything is not always peachy keen, and that is OKAY!  With that being said, sometimes you gotta fake it till you make it.The energy we emit into the universe, comes back and is returned to us in a variety of ways.  If we exude negativity, negativity will be returned to us.  It can create a vicious matrix of pessimism, that we are unable to escape.  To avoid this awful spiral we must intentionally and effort-fully stop it!

When I find myself sulking in negativity, I often remind myself that if I think like crap, I WILL feel like crap.  On occasion I have to 'fake' it, or rather convince myself that today is kick ass, and I am kick ass, even if I don't necessarily believe it. 

 Put forth a conscious effort into creating the day, the feeling, and the existence you REQUIRE for this life you were blessed with!!  

-Lindsay

  

For Yourself Friday- Swept Away

I'm sure many, if not all of you, have been exposed to the world of Pinterest.  It is straight forward, and fairly basic, but I have come to discover can be used in a variety of ways.  Everyone I know has different intentions and styles when approaching Pinterest.  I have narrowed it down to the following Pinterest Styles:

1.  The Window Shopper:  This person looks at Pinterest...alot...but does not pin much, if anything.
2.  Bipolar Barbara:  This person pins the least healthy recipes that exist within this universe, coupled with highly motivational workout shiz.
3.  Get In, Get Out:  This person is equivalent to the get in and get out shopper.  They know exactly what they are looking for, pin it, and get the heck out.  They may be planning a specific event, but they do not peruse much of anything else.
4.  Hoarder Hayley:  This person pins anything and everything that catches their eye in the slightest, with no intention of ever following through.
5.  Craft it Carol:  This is the doer, who pins the recipes and crafts and then follows through.

The final Pinterest Style I have is what I want you ladies to try on this 'For Yourself Friday'!  I like to call it the Swept Away Swooner.  It is when you utilize the search bar to create an oasis on your screen to get lost in.  Some of you may already do this, but from what I am hearing, this is not as common as I would've thought.  I choose words that return results that I can swoon over, and get lost in.  It is not in the intention of pinning, creating, planning, motivating, etc.  My sole purpose is to be swept off my feet, and taken away to another world.  My go to search words are :

Gypsy Soul 

Ethereal:

Bohemian

It may take a bit of time determining which words render the best results, but play around with it and see which words take you away.  Figure out what feeling you are looking to solicit, and tap into that!  Get lost in an enchanted forest, walk on a sandy beach with your toes in the sand, or jump from the highest of waterfalls! 

Are you alrelady a Swept Away Swooner?  If so, what are your go-to search words?  If this is your first time trying this approach, what words did you try out, and which were the best?  Did you like this Pinterest Style?  LET.US.KNOW!!

Lindsay

Guest Blogger- Mama Talk With Tabitha

There are few topics that I've ever had as much trouble speaking about as that of my Mother. Whenever directly confronted or asked about our relationship, I fall back on humor or change the subject, or both. Something like "Well, you know how everyone says their Mom is crazy? My mom is actually crazy." or "I told my husband my Mom was crazy - but I don't think he believed me 'till she tried to hit him with that car". Awkward laughter, followed by a quick change of subject, typically follows.

I can honestly say that all the work that I have done with women; peer circles, rites of passage, teen counseling, retreats, bodywork, etc, have all been an attempt to recreate the relationship I wanted to have with my Mother. Every laugh I share, every hand I hold, every tear I cry, I would rather do with my own Mother than with anyone else. I mourn every day for the relationship I never had and I want desperately to ensure that other girls and women don't mourn the same thing. I want every woman to have at least one connection - one beautiful, non-judgmental, openhearted and all loving woman-to-woman relationship to call Home.

But sometimes, self-realization and self-healing only come at the end of a hard trail, and sometimes we can't have the future we want without dealing with the ghosts of the past. In order to heal our own soul-hurt, from relationship failings of the past, we must accept what happened and approach it with peace.

So I have an exercise for you.

I want you to think about YOUR mother. Really. Find a safe place where you can be for a few minutes, relax your body and mind, and think about all the crap you hated about growing up and all the ups and downs of your relationship with your mother. I want you to dredge it all up. Every mean word - every unfair action - everything that has been keeping you from feeling safe in your Mother-relationship. Pull out a box of tissues and a chocolate bar and really give yourself a chance to recognize what you have been through as a woman. Body issues, misunderstandings, secrecy, abuse - dredge it all up.

And while you're doing this - know in the back of your mind that I'm thinking about you and holding you close in my mind.

I love you. I support you. I honor you. If I were with you now I would kiss you and tell you how perfect and amazing you are. And I would mean it.

Take a deep cleansing breathe. In through the nose. Hold. Out through the mouth. Good.

Now, the hard part is over. You've faced your demons - now I want you to put yourself in your Mother's shoes. They may not fit well at first - but try.

Think about what you know about your Mother's past. Was she planning a pregnancy? What kind of family did she come from? Did she have money or was she poor? Did she marry for love or need? Was she a single mother, at a time when that was a black-mark of the highest degree? Was she accepted by her family, or the blacksheep? Did she have a problem with addiction, and if so, how did it begin? Was she abused? Was she alone?

What were the common parenting beliefs from when she was a Mother? Were children meant to be seen and not heard? Were switches and spankings prevalent? Was letting a baby cry-it-out (CIO) a way to make them healthier? Did she work, or have to take care of other children to get by? Did she have parents or other family members to see to?

Imagine all these things and try to think about how it must have been to be a Mother at that time. Try to sift through all your knowledge of your Mother to find one particular kernel of truth: that many times we do the best we can and it is still not enough, but we tried.

As our world knowledge of things has changed, as political climates and compassion have changed, as we as a people have changed, our parenting as a whole has become softer and more peaceful. It is natural that those from a prior generation remember the hardness of their foremothers - and it is natural to resent it - but we need to acknowledge that we live in different times and that we cannot know for certain what our behaviors would have been in the past.

I am not asking you to forgive your Mother, for whatever may have occurred, I'm asking you to see her as a Woman and a Mother - rather than just as Your mother.

I'll admit, my mother and I only agree on what color the sky is, and that's when she's not being purposely difficult. But this little exercise has forced me to some hard truths. My mother is hard as nails. She grew up poorer than I can even fathom, in a terrible town, and was plagued with abuses that I care not to think of. She bore two children, despite huge issues with carrying and laboring, and she provided for us in every way that she could. She always put us first and we wanted for nothing. She gave us the life she never had - literally. And if she over-emphasized marriage to a wealthy man, and under-emphasized education and travel, then it's because that is how she was raised and how she was ultimately able to provide for her children, not because she doesn't appreciate women in the workplace. If she rails at me for letting my husband stay home with the kids, then it's because in her time the only dads who did this were alcoholics or abusers who weren't working and might be up to no good during the day. If she is mentally unstable and behaves uncontrollably, it could be that her fear of diagnosis is deeply rooted in a prior-generation when "crazy" landed you in a facility, rather than getting you a prescription for medicine that could help.

I still argue with my mom. I still tell people we have a love-hate relationship. But I appreciate and honor her as a Mother. As a result, I also appreciate and honor the other mothers in my life, as Mothers.

We don't know what hardships or issues others have gone through. You can't look at a woman in a grocery store and know that in the morning it's all she can do to force herself out of bed to take care of her baby. You can't listen in on the minivan next to you and hear the phone call that woman is getting to tell her that her medical insurance and food benefits have been cancelled because her part-time income is too high to qualify. You don't know about the looks and sneers that that Mom has gotten all day from childless individuals and couples, for daring to bring children out to a public place and allowing them to act like children. No matter how much you know what they've been through, you don't really KNOW.

So, try to have empathy with the other Mothers in your life. Your Mother, My Mother, all Mothers. It isn't easy, and with mass media and big business working hard to convince us that all we need is one more baby product or gadget to make child-rearing amazingly simple, it's also easy to judge each other. Instead, we need to HONOR each other.

I see you. I Honor you. I Love you.

-SS Tabitha

Motivational Monday- Weakest Link

You're only as strong as your weakest link, is often used when referring to the synchronization of a team. Think of your own self as a team. A well oiled machine that, under the best of circumstances can conduct itself as a Cirque De Soleil performance. Whatever our 'weakest' link may be, we must ensure our strengths lift up that aspect and nurse it to fruition. If we look at our whole self, there is nothing expendable, but rather areas longing for some TLC from the rest of the machine. Reassess your perceived weakness as an area your fortunate enough to care for and improve. Embrace whatever challenge you are facing as an opportunity to grow and synchronize your inner machine. It is all about perception, and realizing we are only as strong as our weakest link,which isn't weak at all!

Guest Blogger: UnValentine's Day

February 14th, a day many people hate.  A Day of pictures being posted to social media, “look what I got!”  “Isn’t my (insert bf/gf/so here) the greatest/sweetest/best?”  I am one of those who don’t look forward to this day.  It is just another day for me.  Wait, you’re married aren’t you? Yep.  Wait, you have kids don’t you?  Yep.  But to me showing love and appreciation for my loved ones is an all year around type thing.  I don’t just shower them with love on Vday.  Yeah they will get something, but they get special treats several times a month.  Went a whole week without having any kind of potty emergency or accident?!  ICE CREAM!  Mossy started walking? New baby gates! (which let's face it, that’s for us, his parents, not for him. ha!)  My point is, don’t just show people who you love, not talking just family here, that you love them on one day a year.  Reach out to others and show them every chance you get.  I am challenging myself, as well as you to show your love more in everything you do.  

Tonight I am going to make sure my little girl and I do something special together.  Maybe do a craft, or make her most favorite dinner. I want to make sure she is aware of my love for her, by being there for her.

Tell me how you are going to challenge yourself.  I can’t wait to hear!

-Ash

Guest Blogger: Tax Info with sista Kristy

Ahh, it’s tax time…Some love it, some dread it.  Does anyone really understand what income tax is all about?  Hopefully this little guest blog will give you some much needed tools to complete your taxes or possibly decide it’s just too much and seek out the help you need to minimize the amount you pay Uncle Sam and keep more of your hard earned dollars.

I keep seeing the H&R Block ad about Americans leaving $1 billion behind last year and I don’t doubt it!  This is your money that you work hard to accumulate!  Why not do yourself a favor and become educated on this topic? At least, just understanding a few of the basics and could literally save you a ton of money!

 I recently tried to help a high school friend who had figured her taxes on 2 different websites (TaxAct and Turbo Tax).  She had calculated 2 different amounts and was thrilled that one had given her a $1,100 HIGHER refund.  I urged her to check and double check her figures and guess what?  She was incorrectly figuring her itemized deductions and had entered a dependent twice!  While she almost ‘hit the trigger’ and filed the one calculating the higher refund, with my advice, she found her error and saved herself a lot of money & headaches by not filing an incorrect return.

When you prepare your taxes, you are essentially summarizing many the documents that the IRS has already received.  You get your W-2 if you work a job as an employee.  You may get your 1099’s if you are self-employed and have been paid for your services.  You also must report your investment earnings and deductions such as your mortgage interest, charitable contributions and property taxes.  If you report something incorrectly and the IRS audits you, the burden of proof is on you to back up the deductions you have taken.  It is up to you to review these items and make sure they are correct and supplement the info with your own calculations to offset your income.

The deduction area is where people get scared and typically short themselves.   How many of you knew you could deduct non-cash charitable items on your taxes?  This could be anything from old clothing or household goods you give to the Goodwill or even groceries given to a food bank or drive.  This is nothing new, this deduction has been around for years, but many people are just not aware of the potential savings. And many people are frightened to declare what these items are worth.

My high school friend who incorrectly computed her tax return on TaxAct chose NOT to calculate her itemized deductions because to utilize that part of the program there was an additional charge.  When I mentioned that combining these non-cash deductions would save her nearly $300 she was happy to pay the additional $50 or so the software was asking.  So, that detail prompted me to think about how many deductions we are leaving behind as taxpayers, simply because we don’t know about them, or they aren’t standard in the free versions of filing software.  I would venture to guess that  there are several.

This blog should not, by any means be considered all inclusive but I am a CPA with many years of tax preparation experience and it should at least prompt you to consider some commonly missed items:

If you have a business or have started a business….

First and foremost, save or scan all your receipts for items you purchase for the business.  Keep track of all the money you make.  It’s probably a good idea to open a separate bank account but it is not required.  Some deductions may be obvious, take for example, the cost of items you sell.  However, here is a list of other deductions you may not have considered:

1. Cell phones, computer equipment or tablets used for business
2. Business use of your vehicle
3. Meals and outings related to doing business (partially)
4. Insurance you carry to protect you
5. Advertising and website fees
6. Tax preparation and/or bookkeeping fees or software
7. Rent or home office expenses
8. Office supplies and postage or printing fees
9. Cleaning and laundering services while traveling for business
10. Depreciation of computers
11. Payments to subcontractors or helpers with the business
12. Continuing education related to your business
13. Travel that is business related, including airline or train fare, hotels, meals, per diem, etc.
14. Dues to labor unions or civic organizations
15. Employee contributions to a state disability fund
16. Employee’s moving expenses
17. Fifty percent of self-employment tax
18. Protective clothing or uniforms required at work
19. Subscriptions to professional journals and newspapers
20. Trade or business tools with life of 1 year or less
21. Expenses for job seeking in your current field, including fees for resume preparation and employment agency fees
22. Reservist and National Guard overnight travel expenses

Again, not an all-inclusive list, but just to generate some thoughts, perhaps make you question some items that you typically didn’t know you could deduct.

What if the business didn’t make any money?  Can I still deduct these?  The answer is MAYBE.  If you are engaging in a business with the intent of making a profit, your deductions are legit, meaning its ok to go ahead and deduct them.  Now, if you constantly lose money every year, never showing a profit and have other means of income, the IRS could disallow these expenses and consider your business a hobby.  It’s a fine line and this is an area where a professional should be consulted.

If you have had a change in your life such as….

Marriage, divorce, birth of child, child moving out, an employment related move, etc. you may need to reevaluate your tax situation and adjust your W-4 withholdings with your employer.  The W-4 is the form that tells your employer how much to withhold on every paycheck.  The W-4 helps you calculate the number of exemptions that affect your taxable income.  Essentially the fewer exemptions you claim, the more the employer will withhold.  This withholding is for federal and state income tax.  The employer will withhold 6.2% social security and 1.45% medicare tax regardless, as those are the fixed taxes you must pay.

But there is quite a difference in claiming zero as opposed to claiming four exemptions.  

Also, different amounts will be withheld for single versus married taxpayers, so each January, think about these changes and adjust accordingly.  I know most people enjoy getting a big tax refund but all that a big refund means is that you have let the government have use of your money all year long and during filing season, you are finally getting it back.  Would it not be better to get a little more each pay period and put that money in a savings account or invest it and let it earn on your behalf?  I know many people don’t agree with me on this topic  and use the big refund on a big purchase, but if you can be disciplined enough to take home more pay and accumulated it, you don’t have to rush out and file to get that big refund in January.

This brings me to another topic which is ‘rapid refund’ or whatever the big filing agencies are calling it nowadays.  This is when you go in to have your taxes prepared at say H&R Block or Jackson Hewitt and you leave with your money that day.  The money you leave with is not your tax refund but a loan in anticipation of what refund you will receive.  And, you are paying dearly for it!  Last I checked the interest rate they charge you on that money was nearing 28%!  Of course you can e-file yourself or use a CPA and you should still have your refund in about 10 days to 2 weeks and receive the entire amount.  Those companies are banking on you ‘wanting it now’.  These companies, while preparing technically accurate returns, make their money on the loans, not the tax preparation.  Often, these people have only been through a short training course and are not necessarily providing any tax planning or advice, but rather, putting the numbers on the returns and having you sign and get that loan.  Do yourself a favor and take a look at the fees you paid if you used a service such as this in a prior year.  Often, from my experience, taxpayers are unaware of these exorbitant rates.

A few new tax laws to note….

Listed below are some highlights of tax law changes during 2013 that may affect your tax situation:

• Same Sex Marriages. Married same-sex couples may now use the filing status of married filing joint. Please note that you must have been married in a state that recognizes same-sex marriages (rather than civil unions). You don’t need to reside in that state in order to file jointly.
• New Medicare Taxes. Effective Jan. 1, 2013, the Affordable Care Act imposed two new Medicare taxes on qualified taxpayers: a 3.8% net investment income tax and 0.9% Additional Medicare tax. Generally, these taxes will affect you if your income exceeds $200,000 (single) or $250,000 (married filing joint), $125,000 (married filing separately).
• Health Savings Accounts (HSA). If you have a high-deductible health insurance plan and an HSA, you may contribute $3,250 (individual plan) or $6,450 (family coverage plan) for 2013. The contribution limits increase to $3,300 or $6,550 respectively for 2014.
• Broker Reporting. The IRS issued final regulations on the requirement that brokers report the basis of debt instruments and options that they sell on behalf of customers. If you deal in these types of investments, your 1099 should now include basis of any sell transactions.
• Casualty/Theft Losses. In a court ruling last year, the IRS allowed a theft loss resulting from home repair fraud. If you found yourself the victim of this type of fraud or any other bad investments resulting from fraud (say for example, a Ponzi scheme), you may be able to write it off.
• IRA Contribution and other Retirement Plan Limits. For both 2013 and 2014, IRA contributions are allowed up $5,500. If you are entitled to make catch-up contributions, you may add an additional $1,000. For defined contribution plans, the limit is $51,000 for 2013 and $52,000 for 2014. Check with your employer as other restrictions may apply.
• Standard Mileage Rates. For 2013, the standard mileage rate is 56.5 cents, medical and moving is 24 cents, charitable is 14 cents. The rates for 2014 decrease to 56 cents, and 23.5 cents respectively. The charitable rate remains the same as it is set by statute.
• Per Diem Rates. Prior to Sept. 30, 2013 the per diem rates for travel and meals were set at $242 for high-cost areas and $163 for low-cost areas. These rates increase after September 30, 2013 to $251 and $170 respectively.
• Home Office Deduction. The IRS announced a new optional method to determine your home office deduction which will no longer require tracking actual expenses. The maximum deduction allowed under this safe harbor method is $1,500 based on 300 square feet. For most of you, tracking actual expenses will result in a higher deduction.

In summary, taxes are an ever changing, often perplexing area for many.  Keep your wits about you and know that the answers are there.  A very helpful site is www.irs.gov where you can search and read about all of the above and even download publications, forms and instructions with clear examples on how to account for income and deductions.

If you are still baffled and want a little hand holding, please consider a CPA or other tax professional.  Keep in mind, anyone that takes a fee for preparing your return SHOULD be signing on the bottom as preparer.

 I would be glad to answer simple questions and steer you in the right direction or even prepare those returns for you for a reasonable fee.  Email is the best way to reach me and I do promise to respond, timely.  I can be reached at cpagirl41@yahoo.com or you can facebook message me as well.  Happy filing !!!

Motivational Monday: Invincible Summer

Happy Monday, sisters!  Outside my window is a wintry sight.  There is snow everywhere and an edgy chill in the air.  We are in the thick of winter, and many of us get caught up in the gloomy weather, which can seep into our mood.  We internalize what we see outside the window and we find ourselves in a funk.  Sometimes we have to create a summer within ourselves, and kick that winter's ass!  Motivation is a state of mind and can be conjured up on the gloomiest of days!  

Each and everyone of us is blessed with an invincible summer deep within our soul.  It is a flame that burns in our core, and it yearns to be released.  It can be felt in the beat of your favorite song, the smell of your favorite food, and the feeling of a loved ones touch.

It's Monday, it's cold and it is the PERFECT day to release your inner summer!  Find it, create it, demand it!    

For Yourself Friday: Mad for Magenta

Throughout the years your personal style becomes established.  It comes from positive and negative reinforcements you have encountered over time.  It could include harsh criticism from your mom, influence among peers, lifestyle choices, etc.  We incorporate and disregard a variety of things based on what we feel comfortable with and what we feel good about.  Everyone needs ways to express themselves, which is literally hard wired into our souls.  Whether you believe you are creative or not, the way you write, speak, walk and dress are all creative expressions of one's inner self.  Think about your own self expression.  I am not talking about fashion or trends (although, if that's your thing, fabulous!).  I am referring to the things we incorporate into our mere presence that reflect who we are, how we feel and what we want people to know about our self.

Some of these things become routine, expected, and safe.  Others are rituals and things we are proud to incorporate daily, weekly, or on special occasions.  Do you always wear the earrings your in-laws gave you, during family gatherings?  This speaks volumes about your personality.  It could be that you are a nurturing soul, hoping to display that their gift is greatly appreciated.  It could also be that your MIL is a wretched witch, who won't shut up about the damn earrings!  Whatever the reason may be, the very fact that you wear them is a reflection of who you are.

My challenge to you, on this 'For Yourself Friday,' is to think about the ways you express who you are through makeup, accessories, clothing, etc.  Think about things you have seen others incorporate into their style that appeals to you.  In times of discomfort we learn the most about ourselves and grow as individuals.  This weekend treat yourself to something you have considered or wanted to take the plunge on, but makes you a bit uncomfortable or nervous.  A slightly loud scarf, brighter shade of nail polish, tinted lip gloss, etc.  

I am stepping out of my comfort zone as well, and bought a new lipstick. I have never been a lipstick gal, and as previously written about, have struggled with embracing my mouth and lips.  The color I bought is Maybelline, Color Whisper, Mad for Magenta.  There is absolutely NOTHING about this lipstick that whispers.  It is more a loud, shrill scream.  My comfort zone was ditched the second I stepped out my front door.  With that being said, I am feeling funky fresh and ready to take on a little discomfort for the sake of breaking my makeup routine!   

It's fun, and extremely important, to pay careful attention to yourself as the distractions of life begin to seep into every crevice of your being.  Spicing things up, being vulnerable, and trying something new exhilarate and excite your inner firecracker.

 Now, I know not everyone is on board with a magenta lipstick, and if you have no desire to step out of what you are already doing, then splurge and buy the same scarf you already have, in another fabulous color!  Amplify the sense of self you already have oozing out of your soul!

If you take the Mad for Magenta plunge with me, tell us about it!  What did you splurge on to express yourself.  How did you feel stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new?

Lindsay

Snow Day DIY: Play Tent on the Cheap!

Willa's finished Play Tent!

Henry's teepee inspiration!

Supplies

     Having a snow day means that my daughter and I got to enjoy an extra day at home with Daddy! This usually involves some kind of project. Today we tackled a small project we've been thinking about for a while: a simple play tent for our daughter! I was inspired by a good friend and fellow SS, Nicki, who has a really fabulous, fun and cozy teepee in her son's play room. We don't have enough space for something that big, but thought a smaller, A-frame tent might work! 

After some googling and pinteresting, we settled on a list of supplies:

• a twin sized flat sheet - $4.97 at Wal-mart
• 4 - 1"x 2"x 48" white wood boards - $0.98 each at Lowes
• 1 - 3/4" dowel - $2.97 at Lowes
• 2 - 1/2" dowels - $1.68 each at Lowes
• 2 - 2" long, 3/8" carriage bolts - $0.18 each at Lowes
• 2 - 3/8" wing nuts - $0.92 each at Lowes
• 2 - 3/8" flat washers - $0.04 each at Lowes

Total cost = $17.50 + tax!!

To save more cash, you could use an old sheet, or scrap fabric, sewn to the proper dimensions!

The Process!

We started by getting the frame together. 

• First we decided where we wanted the A frame pieces to cross. Then we marked them with a pencil. Do this for all 4 pieces.
• We marked the centers, where the pieces cross, and drilled a 3/8" hole in each.



Bottom of each piece,
marked in the center,
2" from end.

• On the bottom end of each piece of wood, we put a dot in the center, 2" up from the bottom. We then drilled through with a 1/2" forstner bit. The 1/2" dowels will go in these holes!

Hairy, man hands holding
the cross pieces.

Cross pieces, with center
marked for drilling.

We put the wing nuts on the inside.

• When the 3/8" holes were drilled, we put carriage bolts through the 2 sets of cross pieces, with a washer and the wing nut on the other side. The wing nut will allow us to tighten the pieces together so the tent holds it shape better, then loosen it, if we want to fold it in half to lean against the wall, out of the way. 

• To assemble, we took each A frame that we just made in the previous step and stuck the 1/2" dowels into the bottom 1/2" holes we drilled, then we put the 3/4" dowel on top. To make it a little extra sturdy, we made a notch in the dowel using a table saw, so it would sink down onto the frame a little more. This has to hold up against my toddler!

While the husband was drilling holes and assembling the frame, I worked on cutting and hemming the sheet.

• I determined that the final dimensions needed to be 45" x 87" long. A twin sheet is 66" x 96". I decided to trim and hem the width first. Using a cutting mat and rotary cutter, I cut off 20" in width, which left 1" to hem. After hemming the width, I hung the fabric over the wood frame to determine the right length, which ended up being 87". The already finished end of the sheet had a 4" hem for the top of the sheet, so I repeated that on the opposite end. To do that, I trimmed off 5", then folded over 4" and hemmed it!

• I wanted to put ties on the corners to attach the fabric to the frame, so I cut off the 1/2" hemmed edge of my scraps to use for this. I folded each piece (about 2 ft. lengths) in half and sewed it into each of the 4 corners, as well as the middle points along the length of the fabric, for tying to the top of the A-frame. I sewed on 6 ties total.

Bottom ties

Top ties

• The only thing left to do now was to hang the fabric over the top dowel rod and fasten the ties!

She loves it!

Finished!!

If you had a snow day today, what did you do with your time? Did you do any special projects or crafts? Do you love snow days or dread them? We love them around here, since we get extra daddy time!

Lindsey

Motivational Monday- Never Fully Dressed

There was a time when I covered my mouth to laugh.  Children were cruel and had all kinds of horrific things to say about my large overbite, larger teeth and an even larger gums.  My lips seemed to swell around the vastness that was my mouth, creating even more of a target for ruthless classmates.  It's one of the few things there is no way to hide.  A gaping hole in the center of your face is unlike a birthmark on your back, or webbed feet.  That was my defeated opinion of my smile, a gaping hole unable to be masked.

Im not quite sure when those insecurities subsided.  It was most likely a combination of some serious dental work (hellooooo head gear) and a healthy dose of maturity.  I realized over time that despite the restricted minds of small children my smile was not something to be ashamed of.  I learned to embrace all that a smile encompasses.  Your smile, your laugh, those are physical expressions of happiness.  I allowed myself to disregard the cold judgement about a piece of me that is linked with joy.  Those who love and care for me will be warmed by my smile, and will know it is given out in times of peace, comfort, silliness and a number of other happy occasions.

As I kick off this chilly Monday morning I begin with a smile.  A smile to my husband, to convey love for all that he has given me.  A smile to my children, to convey safety and warmth on this wintry day.  A smile to a stranger, to convey appreciation of the kind community I belong to.   A smile to all my Secret Sisters, in the hopes of spreading more displays of physical happiness.

It's Motivational Monday, sisters, and you're never fully dressed without a SMILE!

Is there something you have grown to love about yourself, despite critique or judgement? Do you know someone with a perfectly imperfect grin? Share, share, share ladies!!!

Lindsay