For Yourself Friday- Inner Critic

My mother was a stay at home mom, and a kick ass one at that.  She did it ALL and did it with more energy and spunk then any other mother I knew.  I loved and love my mom, and admire her in many ways.  She is a friend and confidante, and I am forever grateful I was blessed with such a quirky, unique, and flavored mother.

Now I will shift a bit to the fact that my mom is plagued with something many of us struggle with, extreme low self esteem.  She is her own worst critic, and boy is she harsh.  Due to this, she has spent her entire life on yo yo diets, often telling complete strangers how badly she needs to lose weight.  I remember being mortified as the barista would ask her if she would like to add a muffin to her coffee order (simply as her job instructs her to ask), and my mother would start some humiliating dialogue regarding the fact that the last thing she needs is a muffin, and she needs so badly to lose weight, blah blah blah.  As a young girl these type of situations were embarrassing, as well as confusing.  Why did she hate her body so much? It looked just fine to me.  Why did she feel the need to talk about herself in such a negative way, and should I feel the same way about myself?  

Throughout the years she avoided pictures, and what few pictures were captured are tainted by her critique of how awful she looks.  Many of the pictures did look awful, but not because of her 'overweight' body or 'ugly' smile (both things I do not agree with or believe in the slightest).  The photos came out bad because you could read her discomfort and self confidence in her body language.  You could see it in her posture, her smile, and within her insecure eyes.  

We recently got into a minor argument regarding this very thing.  She was talking about her latest attempts to lose weight and diet, once again.  This came on the coattails of news of a severe asthma attack my dad had just experienced.  I was overwhelmed, scared and still processing that situation.  I was in no position to discuss her diet, and I let her have it.  I told her that her children, and now her grandchildren, would not remember her being 'overweight' or 'ugly' but they would remember that she is in no pictures.  I told her that I would remember how often she droned on and on about her awful body, and that those conversations would be my memories, not what she physically looked like.  I told her we would all remember how much she hated her body, but we wouldn't really remember what her body actually looked like, because that is not what matters to us.  This upset her, understandably, and I felt awful.  It was not how I wanted the conversation to go, but I wanted her to understand that we all love her for her tight hugs and silly dance moves.  We love her for things that go so much deeper then what she sees in the mirror.  The argument was brief and has since passed.  It is a topic that she will continue to bring up, and I will continue to listen and try to validate her feelings, but continue to remind her how much I love her for so much more.   

I am far from innocent of being my own worst critic.  I want to look good and feel good, and I often put too much weight into how I look physically.  I am well aware of this, and work on it daily.  I know that the people who care for me most will remember the way I made them feel, not the way I looked.  

On this 'For Yourself Friday' I want you to ask those closest to you what they love about your body.  I want you to ask this very question to your husband and your kiddos, and I want you to LISTEN to what they have to say.  Really hear their words, and understand exactly what they mean.  

Then, I want you to BELIEVE what they are saying.  That does not mean you have to love the same thing, but you  need to TRUST that they do really love that about you.  Do not criticize whatever they tell you, or dispute it.  If your husband tells you he loves your derriere, do not contest that in your mind or roll your eyes, thinking about how much you hate it.  Do not think about how much it may have changed, or how perky it was before kiddos.  Believe that this man that you love, is telling you what he loves about your body.  Your toddler may tell you they love your smooshy belly.  Do you love your post baby belly?  Probably not, but you must BELIEVE that they love that.  

Lastly, I want you to LOVE that they LOVE that about your body.  You may despise your 'smooshy' post baby belly, but it is amazing that your child loves it.  It is what your loved ones see, and feel and embrace.  It is what will remain, ingrained in their minds when you are no longer here.  Believe these things coming from the ones you love, and love that they love it about you.  Allow them to love these things without contest.  

We are our own worst critic, but it is important that we give ourselves a break every once in awhile.  

We are surrounded by those that love and adore us.  Allow them to drowned out the overwhelming noise of our inner critic.
-Lindsay