Social Media- We Love to Hate You

Oh social media, we love to hate you, don’t we? When approached with the opportunity to write about how social media and technology has changed relationships I thought, sure, sounds like an easy enough topic and I consider myself quite the expert at social networking. So I sat here at my desk pretending to be working on an HR memo and instead stared at the blinking cursor for about ten minutes. What on its surface appears as such a simple topic, grew and wound into a really large, complex matter. As with most things, there are positives and there are negatives to this new, social world we live in. Connectivity, belonging, and entertainment battle with addiction, jealousy, and isolation often in this new social world of ours. So, what we are left to decide is do the pros outweigh the cons? For me and my family, yes, without hesitation or apology.

My husband and I moved away from home soon after I graduated from high school. Bound and determined and afraid of very little, we moved to Laramie, Wyoming, Chicago, Illinois and finally settled in Memphis, Tennessee. Along the way we made connections with amazing people. Our support group grew and evolved as we adventured around determined to find ourselves in our newfound freedom. But what do you do with those connections that are so dear to you when you move a thousand miles away? What is left to cultivate those relationships, those family ties, when you aren’t in the apartment downstairs or across town? You guessed it, good old Myspace (back in the day), Facebook, SnapChat and texting!

I am, by definition, the absolute worst phone friend on the planet. I am that friend that will stare at the caller id weighing whether to answer or not. It is taxing for me. It’s awful, but it is true, I am not a phone friend. I am a doer. Sitting on the phone until it burns my ear talking about mundane day to day activity does nothing to stimulate me. Now, don’t get me wrong, when a long distance friend needs me in order to vent, cry, untangle, re-center, etc. I am there, 150% I am there. I will gladly and joyfully attach myself to the wall so my cell phone doesn’t die for however long she needs me there. But, to burn my ear for anything less than that, I am not that girl. So, how in the world do I maintain my friendships that are scattered from Seattle, WA to Jacksonville, FL? How do I maintain best friendships with women in Wilmington, NC, New Orleans, LA, St. Louis, MO, & Jacksonville, FL, who I see once a year if I am lucky? How do I maintain family ties in Southern & Central IL, Knoxville, TN, and Des Moines, IA? The same exact way many of you do. We text daily (from the serious to the mundane, I will text you back immediately). We Facebook message, email and send fat faced SnapChats to each other. We are always accessible to each other, always. Some may not see this as a positive, but I do. I am 100% reachable to those people with whom my soul connects. Without it, would I still have these connections? Maybe. Does it make it a thousand times easier to maintain them for me? Yes! With family and friends scattered across the country (and globe, currently) but with the help of social media, I don’t feel so distant from them at all. It keeps us connected, up to date and growing together instead of apart.

That’s not to say that balance should not be sought. Is it easy to feel like you are caught up on everything when you scan through Instagram posts and Facebook statuses? Sure, absolutely. But are you missing something that is harder to publish? A blemish just beneath the surface that needs discovered and discussed? I think the trick is to make sure that you are not just a voyeur in your loved ones lives. It takes an effort to look at those pictures or updates and then build on them. A quick FB message or text (a phone calls for those who are better at that than me) further developing something they posted is necessary to maintain the relationship. It goes beyond a “like” and delves deeper than a quick comment and initiates that deeper connection that can easily be lost in our social word.

I will leave you with this picture. My best friend and I have lived in different states for more years than we lived in the same. We have a long standing tradition of finding “heart trees” and messaging them to one another. She is currently on an 8 week Asian adventure and sent this to me the second she took it at Angkor Thom, Cambodia. We are worlds apart, but thanks to technology, we are still right next to each other.

-SS Amber

 

Update: Since writing this post Amber’s bf has traveled and returned. Thanks to social media they were able to keep wonderfully connected throughout her journey!!